So, this week I’ve come up against the issue of what to do about gift shopping while I’m on secondhand safari.
I’ve got two delightfully different celebrations to go to. First up, on Saturday night, are identical twin friends’ fortieth birthday party. Andrew has emigrated to Australia, and is only back to mark the big occasion with his brother. I haven’t seen Andrew for at least 15 years and can’t wait. Adrian I’ve rekindled a warm and welcome friendship with as we both separately wound our way to the rainy city, since our days of all hanging out together in the student union at university.
Then on Sunday we’ve got a party in the local community centre for my neighbours’ son’s wedding (also technically our neighbour as he still lives at home).
Parties mean presents. And cards. I knew that it was only a matter of time until this would come up, and I’d planned to be fully organised with handmade, lovingly crafted and unique gifts made from found materials. I hold up my hands and confess that I’ve failed dismally to do that, and for this time ONLY (I hope!) have pathetically purchased chocolates all round, as a ‘loophole’ gift because I can buy food and drink new, as part of the reasonable exemptions I’ve imposed on myself. Not even nearly good enough, Madame SHS. An early lesson that secondhand shopping takes both time, organisation and dedication.
As for cards, well right now I’ve got a stash of cards that I buy up whenever I see nice ones going cheap (often unused ones donated to charity shops) for the birthday boys. But I don’t have a card for the wedding, so I suspect we’ll be spending some of the weekend cutting, pasting, gluing and sticking from existing arts materials we’ve got round the house. We might sacrifice a couple of our own wedding cards to the cause, so that we can create some sort of collage-type card.
The main issue that all of this partying has raised is, what should I do about buying for people who aren’t necessarily of the same opinion as me when it comes to secondhand shopping? Just because I think that it’s a wonderful thing doesn’t mean that everyone else will. I certainly don’t want to cause offence, or be considered to have given a shoddy or substandard gift. It’s certainly true that usually while I don’t hesitate to buy secondhand stuff for both myself and my own children (including birthdays and Christmas. Last year saw me locked in vicious last-minute battles on ebay for Thomas the Tank Engine Fat Controllers and Morphs) I wouldn’t dream of doing it when I’m giving to anyone else. So why is this? Obviously there’s some part of me deep down that still thinks that secondhand goods are only good for certain purposes. Why would it matter, and wouldn’t people be delighted if I spent the same amount of money on them but was able to give them three or four times more stuff? I realised that I also never shop for gifts for people in sales.
I’d love to know what everyone else does about this. Would you ever consider giving a present to somebody that was pre-owned? And if not, why not?
I always shop in the sales for gifts for people – I’m the annoying person who buys next Christmas’ gifts in the January sales! I don’t hesitate to buy secondhand for my children, husband, sister,parents and in-laws and some of my friends. There are some people I wouldn’t buy secondhand for like my sisters in law although most things are bought in the sale. I also re-gift things too!
I read this post with great interest. And love your challenge. I will be following your fascinating blog closely! I want to buy everyone charity shop finds for christmas this year… most people, I think, will be delighted! But I know there will be a group who are less enamoured. My tacks, I think, will be up cycling (I made teacup candles from charity shop mismatched tea cups and saucers as my wedding favours last year) and calling things ‘vintage’, ‘preloved’ and antique one offs. Plus I will use lots of ribbon and paper dressing up to make them look really extra special. A shame that there is a stigma that a small number of people see in charity shopping. I love getting things others have picked out from them!
I certainly shop second hand for people. I have no compunction about gifting jewellery or homeware that could be termed “vintage”, or second hand books come to that. & sales shopping is totally allowed for gifts! BUT I wouldn’t give a second hand gift to an acquaintance – e.g. if going to one of my kid’s friend’s parties, where I don’t know the family – I wouldn’t be sure about giving a second hand jigsaw in a battered box (even if all the pieces were there) in case they thought I was being rude…
Well Mrs SHS, I feel that second hand giving is completely acceptable. It is the thought behind the gift which is important, not whether it was purchased new. You can spend more on vintage items than on new as equally as the reverse is true. Also as you point out more effort goes into sourcing a second hand/vintage gift than strolling into your nearest Argos (or similar). The card front is a different proposition for me as I have the crafting skills of a beetle.You, on the other hand are highly resourceful
I have a group of friends who seem disappointed when gifts are given and NOT from charity shops, so to me the idea of of giving something pre-owned and it looking cheap or shoddy is just odd. Saying that i work in a charity shop so people get disheartend when they learn every outfit I wear isn’t from my work!!
For me gift giving and receiving is about the thought gone into and the quality of the product gifted more than where it was sourced from.
Last year for my Birthday I received a pre owned Denby blancmange mould and I was thrilled (I have an unhealthy obsession with kitchenalia) it is currently sitting pride of place next to my cookbooks and is being used as a kitchen pen pot.
The friend who gifted it to me had bought it months in advance when she saw it and thought of me. You are right being organised is most definatly a key to successful second hand gift buying.
Now not everybody would have appreciated this mould I get that and this is where I think, along with your current lack of organisation, you are going to hit a hurdle in finding secondhand/pre owned items suitable for the individuals you are buying for.
I do feel there is a stigma in buying SH that needs to be addressed but I also feel this has a lot to do with the genral image of a SH shop.
It may be a thrifting thrill to hunt out that one unique piece in a jumble of tatt but it’s certainly not a luxury experience, if this could change maybe the stigma would too.
On a slight side note where do you stand on upcycled items for the SHS?
Good luck and just a reminder you have 4 months till my next b’day. x
Absolutely. We constantly regift, but only if it’s unused of course! We even have a ‘present cupboard’ – just because your friends are great doesn’t mean they have your taste and why have your house overrun with stuff you don’t like. Madam Wifezilla also has a strict dress code for The Vermin which less observant relatives are yet to realise. Animal themed jumper? Present Cupboard. Thomas the Tank Engine socks? Present Cupboard. Plain single coloured garment or stripes without logo? Step this way, please.
Toys of plastic or requiring batteries? You know the drill, I’ll hold the door, you whizz inside and await rewrapping.
Result: our house looks like our house and Vermin look like ours until they can intelligently articulate the desire for Disney themed clothing that can beat the counter “I’m paying for it”.
And before anyone gets stuffy: the next time you’re taking a bottle of wine to someone’s place for a party – you know you reach for that bottle of German white that came with friends a month before and that’s been to more party’s than you have. It’s the same thing.
Thanks everyone. I think the problem comes down not to ME thinking that anything secondhand is shabby or grubby but awareness that some other people do still think so. But will certainly be upping my game from now on when it comes to secondhand gifting.
I think, like you say, second hand gifting takes time. I volunteer in a charity shop once a week and there is so much stuff that would be good to re-give as it were. Books are a great one as are vintage scarves and handbags for girlfriends.Some stuff comes in brand new.If you wrap it nicely(I often use scraps of material as wrapping paper and pieces of wrapping paper instead of envelopes to wrap homemade cards) that can look so much nicer. You could give an offer of help(e.g babysitting for a treasured night out for example or the offer of making a cake or whatever skill you have(it could be helping to paint a room or something!). Also plants you have grown from seed(you can get seeds in innocent smoothies at the mo)in a nicely painted pot is another idea!Good luck!